WTF?

I sit down on my bed at the end of the day and remind myself that tomorrow is Monday.

ITS MONDAY

ITS MONDAY

ITS MONDAY.  repeat

 Then I think to myself, what did I accomplish today?

• nothing
• nothing
• nothing
• nothing

Okay. thats a lie. I did

• get air in my tires
• go to church
• go to work
• have a good cry

I don't know what it is, but I need something more to my life. 

I CAN'T KEEP THIS UP. 

I'm going to break down. Completely.

I don't know how to slow it down.

I feel like I'm drowning. 

12:34. Make a Wish.

It was 12:34. And I was basically just wondering through my day, when finally it hit me ( at 1-2-3-4. did you notice that?? To me, its a perfect time for a wish, if you do that kind of thing. .) well it hit me that today, is in fact, Thursday. Yes folks, Thursday. Do you know what that means?? Tomorrow will land on Friday. Yes yes yes, Friday. I have no idea where the week went. At all. I really think I lost it. One day I am waking up getting ready for Monday to happen, and the next second its Thursday that is happening. Not only happening, but half way done with happening! It is the most beautiful time of the year. Fall. In lovely Mapleton. On a Thursday. And it makes me so happy! Except one thing. I feel like I am at a pause. Paused in the middle of a dead end song. I'll have to admit. I hate trying at school. I hate going in general. and homework? yeah right. I hate my job. but it brings in money, and money brings potential. I just want to be satisfied with my life. Happy with what I am doing. At least half way satisfied. at least. I was so excited for everything new in my life. and old. and almost new and some-what old. and I was SO excited for school. Being a college kid. doing college girl things. loving it and being better than everyone else. Sounds like the life, yes? Yes. but not. But it should be! So HOW. HOWW. HOW CAN I DO THIS. AND DO IT THE RIGHT COLLEGE GIRL WAY? I need to know. stop keeping the secret from me. This is starting to get very, VERY important. So go ahead, any day now. just let me know what I am doing wrong. and tell me how to fix it. Thanks. 


Now thats out of the way. I went to a haunted house the other night. With Tyler. and some people. I WAS SUCH A BABY. wow. how embarrassing. I really don't know what happened really. I was just so scared. WHY. They cant even freaking touch me. I stopped remembering to breath and walk all at the same time, but of course I tried to act as normal as possible. It was all I could do too keep myself from grabbing his arm ( well. it was already in a death grab. ) but it was all i could do from not breaking down and running head first out of there. Well. yeah, I was really to scared to let go of his arm and run away alone...  So I didn't. I just closed my eyes and stumbled through till the end. (WHICH BY THE WAY IT NEVER FREAKING ENDED. well eventually it did. but it took FREAKING FOREVER.) 
Now when I think about it, WHY was I scared?? Fine. okay. I'm a baby. 


There are five different blogs I read of five different girls. 
They make my life so much better lately. And they don't even know it. I really laugh till I cry I love every single minute of reading what they read. I look at each of their blogs every single day. just waiting for something new to make me laugh. Keep going please. hey thanks. 


I'm moving out. after December. Yep. Me. Moving out of my basement. YEAHWHOOYEAHA! *loudly*


Im reading MockingJay. I love to read. 
I love to sleep to. 
So I'm off to do some homework. 
So I can sleep. 


goodnight world. 


ElizaJane

Stop. Just look at the trees, watch the sunset. Look at the mountains, count the cars. Watch the rain and smell the rain. Eat. Pray. Love. Laugh. Enjoy. breathe. 

Stop being so unhappy. LOVE YOUR LIFE. 

Just Remember. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 

ElizaJane.

Even Better....

just watch the clouds.

My Subconscious Effort

I've got it. I realize I do it on a daily basis and very subconsciously. I tend to split up my life into different parts, separate "worlds" some would say. No, it is not some kind of  schizophrenia, or cross personality. Its more of a subconscious effort to keep myself happy.

First is work:

Working at Western Watts, is not something I am proud of. At least I have a job. And money. And time for the job. Its still not something I like to think about all the time. Its definitely not something that makes me happy, thats for sure. Getting yelled at, being an inconvenience to everyones day and knowing it, just isn't my idea of a good time. so, my logical plan is shutting it out when I don't need to think about it. 

Second is School:

This, I will admit is not the best thing to do with school. But. I still do it. I should spend my free time studying and doing homework. I know that. But I don't... I like to just push it all away, and not think about it, until I desperately have to. which really isn't good at all, but I feel just so relaxed about it when I don't worry about anything that has something to do with school. although right when I really need to have something done, it all catches up to me in a big tidal wave of guilt, stupidity, regret, stress, and "HEY STUPID- WHYYY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!!?" <-- that basically sums up my feelings. For some reason, when that tidal wave crashes, those 12 words, yeah. thats all I can ever really say. Lets just say, I'll be lucky if I pass...

Third is Friends and Family:

Yes. Its true. I put my friends and family all in one world all together and pray and hope they get along. Which we all know doesn't really end up that way. ever. So some of the time I split that world with in its self! now, don't get to confused, because its not that hard. every person lives in their own section of the world, and most of the time they don't mingle unless I am there with them. It simplifies things for me. makes it easier to be around them. On occasion they decide to mix themselves around, mingle, mix, talk... sometimes, thats a disaster. I let that catch up all at once if it happens to. ( bad, bad habit of mine. not good for anyone. but DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX IT? I SURE DON'T. ) 

Fourth, is my happy time. 

Me time. Showering- a really hot shower, just letting the water run. Singing at the top of my lungs. Car drives, alone with the windows down. Reading- getting lost in a world completely new with nothing of your own worries. Playing my Guitar. Sitting in my bed- either really early in the mornings or really late at night, Sitting on the porch with a hot mug of tea- counting the cars going by. Sitting in the big green chair in my library. Feeling the sun soak through my clothes and having that incredibly warm feeling all over. Things that make me know life is worth it. Things that make me so happy, I can't put into words. 

My fourth world is my favorite place to be. it makes the other three easier to deal with once I have to continue in the reality of life. 

again- No, it is not some kind of  schizophrenia, or cross personality. Its more of a subconscious effort to keep myself happy. and I like it. 

Live a wonderful day! 

ElizaJane.

Needed.

It's True. 


Sometimes I wish so desperately that I had Long Brown Hair, that I put in hair extensions. Mostly randomly on random days and for different occasions. It's something I do. It's something that makes me happy. 


 I love the sound of rain.
I love the feel of rain. 
I love the smell of rain. 
I love the look of rain. 
In short, I love rain. 


Driving home from school, those are one of my most favorite times of the day. A nice long car ride with loud music and no one around. 


Yesterday was even better. 




The sky was beautiful, Just seconds away from a down pour of rain. You could just tell by looking at those clouds. 
So I started home with the windows down, the music up, and singing. cause thats what I do. 
I like taking the back roads home, the freeway gets so backed up after school, plus, those roads are SO pretty right now. the leaves changing, no cars, no buildings, ( well a few. but still ) then it started raining.


 it was so pretty,
 so needed,
 so refreshing. 


keeping the windows down I drove home, getting all wet, taking every backroad possible, just being so incredibly happy to be here. driving. getting wet. not caring about anything. 
Right when I got home reality set back in. Dang. well, it was nice while it lasted. 


I need to write a paper now. I wish you a wonderful day! 




A Bientot- ElizaJane

Maybe I Just Want to Leave.

Change. 


For the better.


Something amazing, new, different, 


away.


I think I need to go. away. and some support wouldn't hurt. I do have a plan. idea. want... need... China. China to teach english. Four months of serving. Four months of a new life. Four months to get my mojo back. I have this amazing idea in my mind, and I can't drop it. I need to go through with this. If I don't, I know I will regret it. At least I can hope I would regret not going. even the thought of doing this gets me all excited. I don't feel like many people think I can do it. It does cost money. my parents don't think I should be paying to go do service. but in order for that to happen, I have to have at least a bachelors degree. and thats so much money and time.... I just need it now. The only thing they (my parents. family. other people.) don't understand, is that I WANT to go. and I WANT to pay to go. Thats the bottom line of service, sacrifice. time. money. me. all of me. and I am willing to do it. I want to go and do it. Who wouldn't. I even found a great friend who would go with me. I can't back down. this is really a MUST in my life now. 


so. I am saving. and saving. and saving. more and more and more andmoreandmoreandmoreandmore. and it will be worth it. and it will work. and we will go. and live in China. cause I want to. I'll make it happen. even if no one thinks I will. I am just not content with my life and how I am living it. I need to do something different and fast or something might just blow up. all over the place. I know this will work. It will. just you wait. I want to love my life, love who I am and what I have done with it. 


Q: why do I have to go halfway across the world to find my mojo? my happiness? content? 


A: -I don't know. I just. do. 


Thank you to those who understand. 


GoodLuck- and GoodNight


ElizaJane

Yes I have a Sister

yes I have a sister.

                   no, we are not twins.
yes, we get that a lot.

"whoa! you two look totally alike!"

people thin we look and act Exactly alike. Personally,
I don't see it.

But I like the Idea.

.... Okay. Maybe we do. 
I think its pretty safe to say that she is My Life. She is the one person I care most about in my life. and the one person I actually care about what she thinks of me and my actions. to me, Everything about her is amazing. she is beautiful and lovely, and always right. Even when she is wrong, to me? she is right. always. I will take her side.


my point is, Amelia is my prize. Lets put it this way. if there was a fire and you had one thing to grab and get out pronto, she would be my one thing I would grab. (it used to be my stuffed bear...) sharing a room with someone for your whole life really means "here you go, now love this person or life is going to be real hard for you"

 I'm just lucky the one I have is such an easy sister to get along with.




very different. but totally the same.

sisters
roommates
best friends

comfort.

for you,
-ElizaJane.

If I Wrote a Song.

Once and a while you see, or hear something that just hits you so hard, you never ever want to forget it. Everyone has it happen, you all know what I'm talking about. Wether it's a picture, a song, a quote. I would even go as far as someone's laugh, the light in their eye's you start to notice when they get really excited about something, a memory. When it happens to me, I always think to myself, " If I ever wrote a song, I would add that. " I tried once, writing songs are much, much harder than it seems. The biggest problem is getting is all to flow.

My hero of music, Regina Spektor. I am pretty sure I first heard her from Kate Clayson. Kate played the piano and sang a bunch of her songs for me once. Wonderful. Thanks to Kate, I found my biggest music obsession of all time. The things Regina Spektor writes, sings, and plays about are truly genius. Blue Lips, lost Wallets, Folding Chairs, Tangerines. She sings them with such simplicity, and passion.  She truly loves what  she sings about.

Every one can learn a little simplicity from Regina Spektor. 

-ElizaJane